To my sweet boy...

You are my I love you

Author: Maryann K Cusimano

I am your parent you are my child

I am your quiet place, you are my wild

I am your calm face, you are my giggle

I am your wait, you are my wiggle

I am your audience, you are my clown

I am your London Bridge, you are my falling down

I am your Carrot Sticks, you are my licorice

I am your dandelion, you are my first wish

I am your water wings, you are my deep

I am your open arms, you are my running leap

I am your way home, you are my new path

I am your dry towel, you are my wet bath

I am your dinner you are my chocolate cake

I am your bedtime, you are my wide awake

I am your finish line, you are my race

I am your praying hands, you are my saving grace

I am your favourite book, you are my new lines

I am your nightlight, you are my sunshine

I am your lullaby, you are my peek-a-boo

I am your kiss goodnight, you are my I love you

Grateful Sunday...

I am grateful...

*that I got to go to church today WITH my husband and sit WITH him during Sacrament Meeting and go home WITH him. It has been a year and a half since I have been able to do any of those, especially all in one day.

*to have finally met up with a friend that I have never met in person. It will be fun to get to know her better this summer.

*to have a place to finally grow our own garden and to have spent the side-by-side time with my husband planting it.

*for my knowledge of eternal families and the blessings that come from the Priesthood and the Temple.

*for the rain that makes Oregon so green and beautiful, although I will be happy for it to slow down a bit for the summer.

*that Mac is always excited to go to church. So excited that we can't tell him that is where we are going until about 15 minutes before we leave or he will have a melt down until it is time to go.

*for the yummy and sweet strawberries that I got at Walmart last night for a really great price.

*for Mac's giggles while he is playing with his Daddy.

*for the opportunities to teach my son the gospel.

*for my husbands job and the other opportunities we have been offered to make some extra money to help pay for our next adoption.

MAY

May seems to always be a life changing month for our family, seriously! Some have been full of the most intense heartache you could ever imagine and some have been so full of joy. Yesterday was another one of those days for us as Hubs was released from his service in the Branch Presidency for the Spanish Branch.

At the beginning of June we will start attending our home ward which also happens to be the ward that Hubs grew up in. We are sad to be leaving the branch but feel at peace that we must move on.

On top of this I wonder what else May will hold for us because it is not over yet!

THREE years ago we had just moved to from Portland, Oregon to Helena, Montana! What a life changing decision and an amazing experience. We still miss Montana ALOT! We enjoyed every second we lived there and met some amazing people. We were meant to move to Montana when we did to find our baby boy and I will never forget the impact that made on me and that our Heavenly Father is very aware of desires and has a great plan for us all.

TWO years ago we were preparing to finalize Mac's adoption and move back to Oregon. We had some tender mercies in regards to finalizing Mac's adoption and also with our move back to Oregon. It is crazy to think that we almost moved to Alabama instead of Oregon. But we definitely know we are right where we are supposed to be (for the time being).

ONE year ago we signed the papers to buy/build our very first house. This also came with some tender mercies, and a huge leap of faith. I still can't believe that we got to this point in our lives, because it seems like there were always so many set backs in regards to ever being homeowners. But we are grateful for where we are and the adventure we will take in now joining a new and old Ward for us. And we just love our neighbors and are excited for our little community to grow.

Grateful Sunday

I am grateful...

*for the time we have had to serve in the Spanish Branch, and the amazing people we have met and the amazing friends we have made.

*for warm, sunny days and tan lines to show for it.

*that we will have a garden to enjoy eating from this summer.

*that I was able to attend the beautiful baby shower for my cousin and her twin babies that she will be having in the next month.

*for my testimony that Heavenly Father always hears our prayers and that I know he answers them in His own way and in His time.

*to be a Mother and have the opportunity and privilege to teach my children about the gospel and bring them up unto Christ.

*for the time I have had to get to know my friend Marci better since she has been coming every week, with her beautiful little girls, to go to the library and eat lunch with us.

*that Hubs was able to rototill our backyard so that we can level it and get it ready to plant grass and that he was able to build our garden boxes yesterday.

*for those who have been so thoughtful and have added our adoption blog button on their blogs and have even said such beautiful, thoughtful things about us in an effort to help us find our baby.

ROCKS!

Rocks are a big deal at our house, and I am assuming for most little boys. Mac's pockets are usually filled with rocks he picks up on our walks. And he ususally has to be carrying a few in his hands too. Our neigborhood has a large greenspace area and we have found a few great places to gather rocks and throw them in the water or find the right size rocks to put in the holes on the man-hole. We also usually have a little rock garden in the dirt on the side of the house that Mac will put his collected rocks when we get home.

A few Mac funnies before I forget...

**Hubs was working out in the garage and Mac wanted to go and watch him. I told Mac he couldn't go out there because he didn't have shoes on, but he could sit on the step leading out to the garage. He happened to see that Daddy had left a pair of tennis shoes right next to the door. All of a sudden I look out in the garage and Mac was out there wearing his Daddy's shoes because I told him he had to have shoes on to go outside. I guess he didn't want to disobey.

**We pulled into the gas station and Mac says "Mommy, look it's a BOO ducks!" He saw a little sticker on the convenient store door of the UO Ducks emblem. That's our boy! (We have taught him to say "Goooo Beavers!" and "Boo Ducks!"

**Mac and his buddy/neighbor/boy I babysit got to take a ride in the excavator that they were using while building some houses in our neighbor hood (pictures to come soon). That night in the middle of the night, probably about 3am, Mac wakes up crying "I want to drive the eckavtor!" over and over until I went in and calmed him down. I was cracking up while I was singing him back to sleep.

**I asked Mac where we got him, and he replied with "C's tummy." (Which is a normal response). And then all of a sudden looks all sweet and says "I special!" Ahhh my sweet boy...that you ARE...that you ARE!

He'll know...

...where he came from.

...She sacrificed for him.

...people make mistakes.

...that repentence is possible.

...he is loved by two Mothers.

...She loves him.

...who she is.

...her by name.

...he was not abandoned.

...he was not given up, but given more.
...he has blessed Her life.

...to not be ashamed.

...his story is special.

...he was/is wanted.

...what adoption is.

...that adoption is about love.

...that he is not the only one.
...he is a miracle.

...he is our son.

...he was meant to be our son.

...that Heavenly Father has a plan for him.

...he is a child of God.

...no one is perfect, except our Savior.

And because he will know all of this, he will grow up stronger and happier.

Grateful Sunday...

I am grateful...

**to be this amazing, sweet boy's Mommy. Quite honestly the best job in the whole world!

**for the sacrifice that was made by a beautiful young lady who will forever hold a very special place in my heart.

**that Mac's birthmother called me today to wish me a Happy Mother's Day.

**that I know that no matter how much I have sacrificed to be a Mother, that there is someone special who is sacrificing even more than I have for me to be a Mother.

**for the ever so sweet, and personal feelings we have towards the baby that will hopefully come to our home soon.

**to be able to attend the Temple with my husband yesterday.

**that I was able to spend this day with my Mother who is one of my best friends!

**for the extraordinary ways that Heavenly Father blesses us when we do our part and live and keep the commandments.

**for an amazing husband who is worthy to hold the priesthood and honors it daily in his actions.

**for the beautiful hanging basket the Hubs and Mac got me for Mother's Day that is beautifully hanging on my front porch.

First step in helping us!

As I mentioned before, there are many ways that we can be chosen.

We are hoping the more exposure we have the better our chances are that "OUR Birthmother" will find us.

So we would love it if you gave us a shout out on your blog and also add our Adoption Blog Button to your blog, just copy and pasting the code that is on my sidebar and adding it as a widget to your blog.

We are so ever grateful for your love and support!

APPROVED!!!

So as of last Monday, April 26, 2010, we are

now approved to adopt!

We are beyond excited!

HERE is the link to our online profile with our agency.

And HERE is a link to our Adoption Blog.

A lot of people have asked us "Now what?" I didn't realize how many people know so little about the process. So here is the scoop...

We now are on a waiting list and have an online profile. There are a few ways we could be "Chosen".

Birthmother's all across the United States can go to LDS Family Services website to find adoptive parents for their baby. They are able to put in certain criteria of what they want in a family and then it will bring up a list of profiles for her to look at. Then if they find what they want they will tell their caseworker who would then contact the adoptive couple's caseworker. And so it begins...

Also, our agency is constantly working with Birthmothers. They will usually show profiles of the adoptive couples they are working with also to them and they can choose from that. And so it begins...

Also, a surprising large amount of adoptions happen through word of mouth. This is called designated adoption (not sure why). Someone we would know, knows someone that is considering adoption for their baby. This is where you can help us (more on that later)!

Their are two options for us: we can WAIT or we can WAIT and FIND.

Since it is better to be proactive and leave no stone unturned we will be thinking of ways you can help us find our baby.

We know we have a baby waiting to come to our family, and we are very anxious to make sure that happens.

For now we ask you to pray for us to have patience and to be sensitive to the spirit, to pray for our future Birthmother that she may be comforted, lifted up and guided to us, and for our baby they he/she may be healthy and strong.

"My mom introduced the beautiful concept of adoption in a very simple manner. There is something that is called prayer trading, and we're going to trade prayers with somebody. Somewhere out there is a girl praying for a good family for her baby. We are going to pray for a good tummy with a baby in it, and we are going to answer each others' prayers.' "--Troy Dunn

Grateful Sunday...

I am grateful ...
**for my sweet husband who told me Thursday night that he was going to let me sleep in Friday morning.
**for a friend who let us borrow her jogger and now I am about to get my run on, I am excited!
**for a sunny, semi warm weekend after it rained and was cold all week.
**to be approved to adopt and begin the road to find our baby.
**that since I stopped taking Excedrin 2.5 weeks ago that my headaches have decreased substantially.
**that we finally got our curtains up on our back sliding glass door for privacy. Now I just need to take them down and hem them.
**to have such great neighbors and that our little boys love each other so much.
**that Mac has learned to say prayers all on his own, so sweet.
**that Hubs's little sister J is home from BYU, we missed her like crazy!
**that I was able to get my house completely cleaned (including scrubbing both bathrooms down) and all the laundry done (and put away) on Saturday, (all though you wouldn't be able to tell today).

What IF?

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Wasn't sure that I wanted to post about it this week or not but then I read THIS and was deeply moved by the more than 400 people who were able to be so open that I couldn't help but think of my own "What IF's?"


What IF I will always feel instant remorse for myself when ever I hear someone is pregnant or the few occasions someone actually tells me themselves that they are pregnant?

What IF I will always be scared to get pregnant because I don't want to make anyone feel like I do when someone announces that they are pregnant?

What IF I will always feel like less of a woman/mother when I am at play group with other mothers who are talking about their pregnancies and births and how their children look like them?

What IF I lose it the next time someone asks me "so you can't have children?" when I tell them that Mac was adopted?

What IF I never come up with the right thing to say when someone asks me "where does he get the red hair from?" or "Who in your family has red hair?" and Mac thinks I am ashamed that he is adopted because he thinks that I don't want to tell people he is or that I am telling every one and he thinks that he is not my real child. Sometimes I just want to walk through the store normally and not have to explaine my entire life to a stranger.

What IF I always feel like people are secretly, or not so secretly thinking to themselves that they are glad that they are not me and that they don't have my trials?

What IF people around me don't realize or understand to it's fullest the huge sacrifice we have made to bring our children into our family?

What IF people will always think I will get pregnant as soon as we adopt?

What IF I sink into depression every time we start the adoption process again because it reminds me I have wounds of infertility?
What IF I don't learn what I need to learn from all of this?

What IF we wouldn't have listened to the promtings to move to Montana, would we have our Mac?

What IF we would have never decided to adopt?

What IF we are not chosen again to be the parents of a sweet baby?

What IF we have to go through a failed adoption(s) before we find our baby?

What IF would have started the adoption process sooner, would we have more children?

What IF our next adoption process is a contested adoption and we don't have enough money to pay for all the legal fees?

Even with all the "What IF's" that I think about I know with assurity that blessings come through trials. I know that Heavenly Father will provide as long as we do our part. I have seen that happen first hand with every part of Mac's adoption story. He provided a way even if we didn't see it at the time, but we recognize it now. And I have faith in his plan for us and our family!

cuteness just radiates from this boy!

I know you will agree!

Mac funnies and more...

Some random sentences from Mac all in one day...
"Why is Mike talking to Daddy?"
"Mommy, where did this come from?"
"Look Mommy...I am sitting behind Daddy!"
"Mommy,I want to tell you something!"
"I am so tired!"
"Wait a minute!"
"I'm sad...I want Daddy."
"I have two eyes!"
"I want to drive Grandpa's truck!"

There is no doubt that Mac is a great talker and has a huge vocabulary. And not only that but he remembers everything you say. But there are a few things that he doesn't say correctly no matter how many times we try to correct him, and I think it is funny and cute. And I don't want to forget them...


"fireguck-guck" -
he says "truck", and "fire engine" just fine but when he wants to say fire truck it is always the same.
"elephant-ant"
"fridge" - bridge
"brice" - rice
"kank-koo" - thank you
although sometimes he will say "kank-you"
muugick - music

Just some funnies from March and April...

I was making dinner and Mac was sitting at the table playing trains and we were talking. He all of a sudden said “Mommy poopy?” and I said NO. He then said “What's that smell...its YUCKY!” So walk over to him to check his diaper and before I even looked in his diaper I could smell him, although he wasn't poopy. He had tooted and was blaming it on me.

We were on our way home from church and I was telling Mac that Grandpa Dick and Grandma Wilma were going to come over. He of course got so excited and then he told me “Grandma and Grandpa will say HI Mac and Mac will say HI Grandpa Dick, HI Grandma Wilma.”

My Uncle, Grandpa Dick and Daddy were getting ready to go to the Priesthood session of General Conference. Mac asked my Uncle where he was going and he responded with “to Church”. Mac asked him “to talk about Jesus and Nephi?”

A few weeks prior we had gone to see Hubs at work and Mac was getting really restless so Hubs showed him pictures of tractors on the computer. Then one morning Hubs was getting ready to leave for work and Mac asked Daddy where he was going like he does almost every morning. Hubs told him that he was going to work. Mac said, “to look at tractors and trucks.”

When I tell Mac we are going to the store he usually asks if he can see the tractors and trucks at the store. One day we pulled into the Costco parking lot and Mac says, “there no toys?” I guess he remembered from the previous time we had gone there that there were no toys to look at at Costco.

And two silly pictures...

Drinking homemade smoothies and trying a box on for size!

Tulip Festival!

This is the best family picture we got at the tuplip festival and Mac's face is hilarous!

Hubs had last friday off because it was the end of tax season. So we headed north to the Tulip festival. School must of been out because there were a ton of people there for being a friday at noon. But it was fun. They had booths and kids activities. And then we went to the tulip fields. We didn't stay very long and didn't really get to do a whole lot because Mac was cranky, from not getting a very good nap on the way up.

We then had my parents watch Mac and Hubs and I did a session at the Temple.

They had this little cow train ride for $2.00 and the ride lasted probably 15 minutes. But boy was it bumpy and I felt like I had a broken bum when we were done. But Mac loved it. We didn't end up sitting in this cow, because I didn't fit, we found one where Mac could sit in my lap.

Mac and I getting ready for the ride to start. I was so excited that I got this shot on the first try!

Mac mostly just wanted to see the old steam tractors of course.

Daddy and Mac had fun just running around.

Uuuum CUTE!

Mac got in trouble while out in the tulip fields and got put in time out by Daddy.

What a sad face!

So sad!

drawing...

I found out that Mac likes drawing better than coloring. I tried to show him how to color a picture and he was not really interested. So I just got some blank paper out and he loves to draw. He is sometimes very precise about how he draws his lines and then when he scribbles that is sometimes even very precise. I will have to take some pictures of his drawings and post them.

And besides that I just thought he looked too cute and like such a big boy sitting at the table concentrating on drawing pictures.

Have I mentioned how much I...

LOVE...

LOVE...

LOVE...

LOVE...

LOVE...

LOVE...

HIM!!!

This boy...

makes me feel like

I will burst at the seams with love for him!

TRAINS!

We took Mac to the Model Train show that was in town. Mac was in heaven and he never seemed to think that there were enough trains to see. He was so good and you could just tell that he loved it.

I love this picture (even though it is out of focus).

He even wore his train conductor overalls.

I was really gearing up for a melt down when it was time to go. But I tried the one thing that usually works in cases like this and it worked like a charm today. As we are walking around and towards the door we say "goodbye!" to EVERYTHING, literally!

Mac is at such a great age to take him to things like this. I have about a million places I want to take him this summer and we can't wait to do it.