CHOSEN

July is a very special month in our home. It is the month that we celebrate being "Chosen" for both of our children. Both of those days are etched in our minds forever!

There is one thing that never ceases to amaze me when it comes to building families through adoption, and that is the hand of the Lord. He is so mindful of us all and of our joys and sorrows, our wants, needs and desires, our good and our bad choices. We are quite aware of how the Lord has orchestrated our lives to bring not only our children to us, but their birth families.

On July 24th, 2007 we found out that a beautiful young lady had chosen us to be the parents of her unborn baby. I have already told the story about that day on here so today I wanted to share with you part of Mac's birth mothers story. The part of how she chose us.

"...Then came the time to choose parents for “Peanut”.  At first I felt like maybe the caseworker should just pick one, however he explained many women feel more comfortable in their decision if they make it themselves.  So I got online and started looking at couples from Montana.  I didn’t want the hassle of inter-state adoption laws.  There were about a dozen couples or so from Montana.  Right away the names "B and B" stood out to me.  I clicked on their profile.  Looking at their picture they looked like the ideal couple.  I read their profile and was really interested in the fact they had large families.  I thought that would be good for “Peanut” to be able to be raised around his cousins, in case the opportunity for him to have a sibling wouldn’t happen.  To keep things fair, I looked at the other couples and read all their profiles.  I wrote down each couples names so I could pray about it in the next few weeks. 

Day after day I would pray over each individual couple waiting for some prompting or feeling about each one.  I was starting to get frustrated because I wasn’t getting any answers.  That morning I had read a talk by Richard G. Scott about receiving answers to prayers.  He instructed that sometimes the Lord lets us make our own decisions and then he can approve or disapprove.  So I got down on my knees and prayed:  “Heavenly Father, I would really like "B and B" to be Peanut’s parents.”   I had this amazing peace and comfort come over me which I couldn’t stop the flow of tears.  I knew that He had approved of my decision and I was so grateful for that confirmation.  I called the caseworker to let him know I had made my decision, hoping that they hadn’t been chosen by someone else as I had taken a few weeks to decide...."

Every time I read this, my eyes fill with tears.

Mac will know how he became our son. He will know that he was not just given away, but he was loved so much that his birth mother took her time and prayed about the right thing for him.

It was all for him!

C is such a great example to me in all that she does. She takes my breath away with her love and passion for life and the gospel.

~~~

On July 1, 2010 we awoke to the news that once again our prayers would be answered and a beautiful young lady and a brave young man had chosen us to be the parents of their unborn baby. Mac would get to be a big brother! I can't tell Oak's story, but I quite literally get the chills every time I think about it. It once again was a testament of answered prayers and that the Lord's hand is in it all. And how important it is to listen to the spirit.

Oak's birth parents are amazingly strong and I am in awe of the choice they made for Oak. And not only do they love Oak, but have shown great love for Mac too!

~~~

How blessed I feel to experience adoption and motherhood.

And all because of the strength and braveness of others

and the love of our Heavenly Father.

I shared this video on Facebook last week, but I wanted to share it on this special day here.

Meeting "C"!...(Mac's story~Part 5)

Mac's Story Parts 1-4

Meeting and getting to know our Birthmother.

After initially talking to C, I knew that I wanted to meet her as soon as possible. Hubs and I together wouldn't have a chance to meet her together for at least another month. I did not want to wait that long, so I called her the next week to see if we could me up that week for lunch (she only lived an hour away from us). She thought that was great. So the day I headed to meet her, I was completely terrified. But the moment I walked in the door of her work I was completely calm and it felt like I was seeing an old friend that I hadn't seen in a very long time. C walked right up to me and gave me a hug. I seriously thought I was dreaming.

We ended up jumping in her car and heading to her apartment. She really wanted me to watch the ultrasound video that she had for us. We watched it together as she showed me her favorite parts and showed me what I was actually seeing. I was watching our baby that we had waiting so long for. It was incredible to say the least. (You can imagine how many times we watched that video before Mac was born).

We then headed to lunch where we were able to ask each other a lot of questions. This was both awkward and exciting. Awkward because I am socially retarded and my thoughts don't come out of my mouth how I would like them to, and also because I hate to poke and prod at peoples personal lives. And exciting because I was learning more about this amazing young lady sitting in front of me, and I felt so privileged to be chosen by her.

I was able to learn about why C chose adoption for her and her baby. I learned what she wanted and didn't want for her baby. I learned how she came to choose us and that she knew that this baby was not hers and she really felt that Hubs and I were his parents. I was learning a new aspect of the Atonement that I had not yet before seen with my very own eyes. I was awe struck with C's faith, knowledge, and testimony. I was so happy to learn that her parents were very supportive of her, because all Birthmother's need that, and I didn't want C to be alone in this experience.

A couple of weeks later both Hubs and I were able to meet C again so that Hubs could meet her. Hubs said that the instant he saw and met her he knew that she would always be in our lives. And I felt the same way.

We met up several times over the next months. Sometimes both Hubs and I and sometimes just me. But I am ever so grateful for every moment we spent getting to know C and her getting to know us.

the name Mac!

I get different looks everytime I tell people Mac's name. Some think it is cute and some think it is interesting (to put it nicely). Because his name is unique, as a first name, I get asked alot how we came up with the name "Mac".

(post edit: this may not make much sense now since I have removed our real names and if you don't know his real name)

So here is the story...

Hubs and I have never been able to agree on boy names, ever! Hubs likes more traditional names and I like non-traditional names (probably due to me having a unique name). I also do not want our kids to have to go by their first name and last initial all the way through grade school.
Since we had turned in our paperwork for adoption I had known that we would have a baby boy first. (I was so sure of this that I was buying baby boy clothes when ever I saw any on clearance.) But I still could never come up with a name that Hubs liked. Once we found out that Mac was going to be a boy, we went and got a baby naming book. And we started going through them.
I still wanted something a little untradtional, but ended up trying to figure out some more traditional names that I was ok with. Even then I was still being a little nontraditional because I liked all the shorter versions of all the traditional names (like Ben, or Nate, or Drew). Through all of this Hubs would call the baby "baby Mac". And every once in awhile he would throw out the idea of maybe naming our baby Mac. And I would give him the same answer everytime. "We cannot NAME him Mac, but you can call him that as a nickname.
About a month before Mac was born, we had his birthmother over for dinner. And she asked us if we had picked out a name for him. She just wanted to know if there was something to call him besides "Peanut" (her nickname for him). We told her our name ideas, but told her we didn't have anything for sure.
We also knew that we wanted to see him before we started calling him by any name. For some reason I just can not give a baby a name before it is born, it just seems weird to me (my own opinion).
About two weeks before Mac was born, Hubs was looking at the "Mc" names in the baby name book to see if there were any that we liked, in case we wanted to call him "Mac". Finally he asked me about the name Mac, and at first I was not totally sold on it. It took me about a week to really like it and even consider it to add to our list. But a week before Mac was born, we were both almost positive that Mac would be our baby's name. We didn't tell anybody, because we didn't want to pin a name on him yet in case of him not looking like a Mac when he was born, or that his birthfamily did not like it.
When we got to the hospital, Mac's birthmother had just gotten her epidural and wanted us to come and visit with her and her parents (whom we had not met yet). When we walked into the room, C's parents welcomed us with hugs and were just excited to meet us. We sat down and talked and they asked us if we had come up with a name yet. They said that if we still didn't have a name for him that they would put "Peanut Butter" or some other silly name on his birth certificate. We told them "Mac C". And they loved it instantly. I told them that Hubs had wanted to name him Mac, and I wouldn't allow that, but we could name him a name that we could shorten to Mac. And we had come up with Mac. Instantly Mac's birthgrandmother said that they had the EXACT same situation with their oldest. (I even have a picture of their oldest son in overalls that say "Mack" on the front.) We all knew from that moment that we were to name this baby boy Mac.
The rest of her labor, everyone was calling him Mac. I loved watching C's mother talk to her tummy saying "Mac we want you to come out soon so we can see you." It was a wonderful reassurance that we were all brought together by our Heavenly Father's hand, and that it was no coincidence that C was to bring our baby into this world.
Well we never have called Mac "Mac". We have tried, it just doesn't sound right...yet. The name Mac just seems to fit him perfectly and that cute red hair. Maybe when he is older he will want to be called Mac.

The CALL...(Mac's Adoption Story~Part 4)

If you need a refresher on how we got to this point or if you have not had the chance to read our story make sure you do...

Part ONE

Part TWO

Part THREE

and now for Part FOUR...

(this part is actually taken from a previous post I had written on the year anniversary of us receiving this call.)

"My cell phone rang on Tuesday, July 24th, 2007, and I did not recognize the phone number so I didn't answer it. After a minute my phone made a little noise telling me they had left a message. It was our social worker, Cary. He said that he would track down Hubs at work. I got a little antsy thinking maybe this was the call we had hoped for, but I wasn't jumping to too many conclusions, I didn't want to get my hopes up. A few minutes later Hubs calls me from work, and said that Cary had called him and told him that we had been chosen by a Birthmother. He gave us her name, age and phone number and told us when the baby was due. He told us to call her and it was up to us how we went forward with the Birthmother and that he didn't really need to be involved. I was kind of in shock, I didn't cry or get hysterical, I just said, OK. I guess this is it.
I waited until Thursday evening to call C. I was a bit terrified, since I really hate talking on the phone. So Hubs and I kneeled down together to pray for the strength we needed to do this. I gave her a call and we talked for about a half hour or so. One thing I remember very clearly her asking us was, "So are you excited?" I couldn't believe that she was so sweet to ask us that. She told me that she was going to find out the next day if the baby was a boy or girl and she was going to have the ultrasound recorded on a video tape for us. She said that she thought that the baby would have brown curly hair and brown eyes (so we have been quite surprised by his red hair and bright blue eyes, which we love). We tried to come up with a good weekend we could get together with her since she only lived an hour away. It wouldn't be for weeks that we would all be able to do this and I was a bit disappointed because I was so anxious to meet her. C called me the next afternoon to tell me that it was a BOY. I was so excited! Except that Hubs and I could not ever agree on boy names, ever.
I called my mom and dad that afternoon. My parents had already planned on coming for Christmas, so I had asked my mom if they were still planning on coming for Christmas, she said yes. So I told her I just got her the best Christmas present and I asked her if she wanted to know what it was. She said yes, so I said "a baby boy". She was a little confused. So I then told her that we were going to adopt a baby boy due in December. She started to cry.
Hubs's parents were coming the next day to visit for a few days. So we decided to wait and tell them when they got there. When they got there Hubs waited till he was ready and told them that they would have another grandson coming in December. They were confused too, and we had to explain that we were CHOSEN by a birthmother to adopt her baby boy. Hubs's Mom was in tears. "

We knew from the moment we got this call that this is the reason Heavenly Father had lead us to Montana (of all places). We are very grateful that we followed those promptings that lead us to where we needed to be for C to find us.

We had almost five months to wait for our little guy, which sometimes seemed like forever. But I am so ever grateful for that time that we got to know C and create a relationship with her that means the world to us. It also gave us time to prepare to become parents to this precious little guy.

The BIG MOVE...(Mac's Adoption Story~Part 3)

This part of our journey or story is so beyond comprehension for me, except that I know with out a doubt that we were lead by our Heavenly Father's guiding hand. With out him we would not of made such a big move away from our family and friends, we would not of been chosen by our sweet angel C, we would not have found Mac, who was truly meant for our family.

We were approved to adopt the end of February. In March, Hubs started getting a little antsy in his job at the CPA firm in Portland. He started looking for jobs elsewhere, and for some reason he was mostly looking out of state.

At first when Hubs approached me about wanting to find a new job, I was upset as usual. I say "as usual" because Hubs does this about every 6 months, but only usually acts on it about every year. I quickly got over being upset and decided to be supportive of my husband.

Hubs suggested that it would be good for us to find a job out of state. I was actually fine with that. As he was looking online, he kept finding jobs in Montana. I kept on insisting that I would never live in the middle of no-where. But we both still felt good about finding a job outside of Oregon, so he kept looking.

He ended up finding a job opening with a previous employer (Enterprise Rent-A-Car). The opening was in St Louis. He applied for that job and stirred up something in the company (Hubs left that company a year and half earlier on very good standing and they all had very high regards for him and the work he does). They did not want him to take that job, because they thought that he was over qualified for it and that he would get really bored. But then he received a call about an opening with the same company but in the Montana group. I kept thinking, what the heck is it with all these job openings in Montana. The opportunity to get back in with this company was a big deal and would really help Hubs's career.

After attending the Temple and a little thought and prayer on the subject, we decided that it was perfect for us. But to make sure that we would like Montana, we decided to take a weekend and drive the 10 hour trip to Helena, Montana to just see what the little town looked like and if we felt like we could live there. We drove there all day Friday, spent the whole day Saturday looking around and exploring and then drove home Sunday. But on our trip home, we were really overcome with peace that this is really where we were supposed to be.

A couple of weeks later we were flown to Helena to find a place to live. And a couple of weeks after that, the beginning of May the movers showed up and packed all of our stuff and the next day the movers came and loaded it all up. It was all a whirlwind because this all happened with in a month. I actually was excited about the move. I was ready for a change and a new adventure. Little did we know of what was to come.

When we went to church, and introduced ourselves to someone in the bishopric. He said that he knew who we were because he worked for LDS Family Services and had just recently received all of our information from the Portland office. I was relieved that we were going to have that kind of contact with someone from the LDSFS. And not because I thought we would have one up on our "competition", it was because our experience with our caseworker in Portland was awful, and I was glad that we were going to know this guy better.

We ended up going to his office to talk to him a few weeks later, to talk to him about our previous experience and what we should be doing to find our baby, and also to talk about getting a new home study done. We came out of that meeting feeling much better. He basically told us that we needed to do more on our part and that he was sorry for the way we were treated before. And that he would include our "bishopric visit" as our home study (he and another member of the bishopric just came for a visit the week before, because we were new in the ward.

One thing I remember very clearly about this visit was him telling us about a birthmother he was currently working with. I don't remember exactly why he was telling us about her, I think we just had a concern/question about adoption in general and he was using her as an example to answer out question. I remember him saying that this birthmother was pretty on the ball and has clearly made her decision to place her baby. And that she wouldn't say who the birthfather is and that that may make it a legal risk adoption. And he had gone on giving us other examples of adoptions he had worked with.

Shortly after this visit with our caseworker, we decided that we would put together a letter to mail out to everyone we knew. And I also decided that I would announce on our blog that we were hoping to adopt. We never got around to getting the letter done and sent out, because exactly one month after the previously mentioned post, we got OUR CALL!

The paperwork and process...(Mac's Adoption Story~Part 2)

I think every stage of adoption can be compared to a stage of pregnancy, and I would consider this part of our journey to be compared to the "morning sickness" that most pregnant women go through.

We started our paperwork in the Fall of 2006 and turned in all of our paperwork at the very beginning of January 2007. By the end of February 2007 we were approved to adopt and officially waiting for our baby.

Our process of applying to adopt had it's highs and lows, it was exciting, scary and really frustrating. But I am sure it is that way for most couples who are applying for the first time.

The very frustrating parts came from dealing with our caseworker. He was always telling us if we didn't do this or that, or check this box or that that we would never get a baby. Now that is really discouraging, thanks Mr. Caseworker for being so sensitive to our very fragile, childless-hearts. In all of his pushing and shoving and being very insensitive, we made sure we followed our hearts and followed the spirit with every step that was required of us. We were happy and at peace with what we felt was right for our little family. Well, with everything except the prospect of an open adoption.

When it came to learning about open adoption and considering it for our family, I think that our hearts were closed to that possibility being OK for our family. And I really think that it was Satan's way of creeping his way in to try and destroy one of the greatest blessings, forever families.

The scary part was to think that it was totally up to someone else to make us parents. It was scary to think about the possibilities of being chosen, then at the last minute having our baby snatched right out from under us. It was scary to think that if we had an open adoption that maybe we would never really feel like the baby was ours (this is not true, remember we didn't know much about open adoption). It was scary admitting to a lot of people that we struggled with infertility when we had kept it to ourselves for so long. There was a lot that was scary about adopting.

The excitement came when we would think about the possibility of being parents finally. We knew that it would take time, it could be months or even years before we were chosen. But that at times seemed much easier then the wait every month, followed by the usual disappointment that was so constant in our lives over that past five plus years.

To pass the time I would look up the online profiles for adoptive parents on LDSFS website. And more specifically, I would look up those with a child already hoping to read someones story of how they had adopted their baby. I wanted some idea of how it would feel for us when the time came. After we got our own online profile up, I would look at it everyday wondering what birth mother's would think looking at our picture and reading about us. And then my thoughts eventually would wonder if our birth mother would know us when she saw our profile.

At this time, we still did not tell many people. We definitely were not doing all we could do to find our baby. But we did feel a need to pray for all birth mothers. We prayed that they would find peace in their choice and that they may be lead to the right parents for their sweet baby.

After we had been approved and we had been on the waiting list for about a month, we believe Heavenly Father stepped in and was preparing us to find our baby and to answer a sweet young women's prayers.

The beginning of FOREVER!...(Mac's Adoption story~Part 1)

***When I sat down to write about having Mac sealed to us, my mind kept on wandering to the very beginning of our story and how we got to this day. It seemed that it would only make sense to tell you this way, so that you may all understand the great significance this day truly had for us. So as to not bore everyone all at once, this story will have to be told in parts.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is VERY significant in my life, because not only does the church I belong to have many beliefs, but I truly have faith in and know for myself that these beliefs are true. One of these beliefs is that families can be forever, we do not have to part at death. As worthy members of the Church, we are able to receive permission to enter the House of the Lord, the Temple, and receive the blessings of eternal families. Hubs and I were able to be sealed together for time and eternity on April 14, 2001 in the Portland, Oregon Temple. I am so grateful to Hubs for being the man he is, that he loved (loves) me enough to want to be worthy enough to take me to the Temple so that I can have my own eternal family. So that we can be together forever.

Another wonderful blessing of the gospel of Jesus Christ, is the strength it has given Hubs and I to get through our trials. In the seven plus years we have been married we have gone through many, very difficult, life altering trials. Our knowledge and beliefs has helped us to take the very real pain and heartache that we felt through those trials and turn it into something that would help us, refine us, strengthen us, and make us better disciples of Christ.

One of our great trials is the struggle we have had bringing children into our eternal family. As with most trials, no one understands the great pain and heartache that goes with infertility unless you have traveled that road, and I do not wish that road on anyone. And even though at times the pain and heartache seemed unbearable, I never felt my Heavenly Father's comfort and love for me more. I learned so much about myself, my husband, our relationship with each other and my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I knew that my Heavenly Father had a plan for me, for us. In waiting for that plan to unfold, we learned to rely on the Lord, rely on each other, be grateful for what we have, and to have patience.

After five years of struggling with infertility, we felt like we should try growing our family through adoption. Choosing adoption is not something to take lightly by anyone. And even though we tried other ways first to grow our family, and they were unsuccessful, we would never say that adoption was our "last resort". We know that there was much to be learned to prepare ourselves to bring Mac into our family in this special way, and that adopting our son was Heavenly Father's plan for us all along. When we look back at our journey from the moment we turned in our paperwork for adoption, we can see now how Heavenly Father was leading us to C and Mac.

Our Amazing Experience...

Our experience this last weekend welcoming our sweet, beautiful Mac into the world was more amazing then we could have ever imagined it. I am not going to share in great detail our experience because it is too personal and precious to share. It was an amazingly spiritual experience that brings me to tears every time I think about it.

But I will share a few things with you...

"C" and her parents welcomed us with open arms. We sat with them for a few hours before Mac was born. And we loved every second we had with them. Her labor went pretty quickly. And soon after he was born they came and got us from the waiting room. As soon as I got in there the nurse handed him to me, and soon after that Hubs got to give him his first feeding. We then got to go with him to the nursery to get measured and put in the isolete to warm up. Late that evening "C" and I went to the nursery to watch him get his first bath and foot prints. After that we went back to our hotel and tried to sleep. The next morning we went back to the hospital to check on everyone. And then we got to spend more time with "C" and her family. Later that day after he got all of his tests they discharged everyone. We all signed some paperwork so that we were able to take Mac with us. We then said our goodbyes in tears. And we all walked down to our car together. And then we took him back to our hotel, and then drove home the next morning with him.

My love for "C" grew even more after this experience. I can't even begin to tell you the deep love I have for her (and her family). It has taken a couple of days to not break down in tears every time I think about her.