Mac's 2nd Birthday Party

Once again Hubs totally rocked the birthday cake design! Mac all day kept on saying "Want to eat Thomas!" He loved his cake and has been playing with his "Happy Birthday Thomas!" non stop since.

We had a great turn out for his party this year. Lots of family and friends!


Just looking cute before everyone arrived!

Friends from church came. Mac begged for Rocky to come to his party and even saved the spot at his table just for Rocky. No one else was allowed to sit there. He loves his Rocky! So cute!

He did awesome opening his presents!

When he saw this bag he thought that there was supposed to be a dinosaur in it and was totally disappointed that it was just lego blocks.

Acting all shy and cute when we sang happy birthday to him!

When he went to blow out his candle he said "awww...awwww (blow)!" like when you sneeze! It was hilarous! He did blow out his candle all by himself.

Mac Funnies ~ November 2009

~We were driving to the store and I slammed on the breaks “slightly” to make sure I stopped when a light changed and after I stopped, Mac said “woah, that was fast!”

~We were outside playing in the dirt and he walked by hole in the ground and said “Mama, dinosaur tracks!”

~Mac was handing a blanket to Hubs, and said to Hubs, “your welcome Daddy!” (He usually says “thank you” when he hands you something.

~I was getting ready for the day and Mac was playing in our closet and he kept opening the door and saying, “Good morning Mommy!”

~McCoy has been going peepee in the potty for a couple of weeks now. Before he was going to take a bath I had him sit on the potty to go peepee. He went a little and jumped up really excited. He then went over to the bath for a second to watch it being filled, then all of a sudden he ran back to the potty and kept saying “potty” and he sat down really quick and went peepee more. I was so excited to know that he actually has the idea of going in the potty.

~We were playing outside in the mud one day and when we came inside he said “Mommy, I want a bath, water, get cleaned up!”

~We have been reading “Where the Wild Things Are!” because he is obsessed with monsters. (He likes them, he's not afraid of them). And when you ask him what Max says, he says “Be still!” with his hands out just like Max in the book.

~When something is hard to do Mac will say that it is “heavy” instead of hard.

~At the beginning of one of the movies he likes to watch it has the “20th Century” blip and Mac was watching it and said, “Mama look a zero!” and pointed to the zero in “20”. I didn't even know he knew the word zero.

~Daddy and Mac went grocery shopping and left me at home (I was sick). On the drive home Hubs said to Mac, “We are almost home!” and Mac responded with “Yay Mommy!”.

~We were in the car on our way home from the store. Mac wanted some more fishy crackers. I told him he had to drink some water first. He very deliberately and defiantly said “I DON'T want a drink of water!”

~We were getting ready for church and I was asking Mac about Nursery and what he was going to do in nursery. He said, “Play cars.....cry...” (Yep, that is about what he does in nursery.)

~We were at a funeral and someone was saying a prayer. Hubs was holding Mac and when everyone said “amen”, apparently Mac didn't hear Hubs say amen, so he said to Hubs, “Daddy..amen!” This comes from when we say prayer we always make Mac say amen, and if he doesn't do it on his own, we always say, “Mac..amen.” until he says it.

~I noticed Mac looked like he might be chewing on something little in his mouth. I asked him what he was chewing on and he said “My nails!” I about died laughing since he seems to have a nail biting problem. (Although I think I have curbed it a little telling him “yucky” when ever I see him biting his nails)

~Mac woke up really early one morning (4am) so I went to go comfort him for a minute. When I went to put him back in his crib I moved the blanket that Hubs had laid down under him before he had gone to bed the night before, thinking that might be what woke him up. When I laid him down he sat up and started hitting the mattress with his hand saying “right here!”. I realized that he actually liked sleeping on the blanket, so I laid it back down and he laid down on it and went back to sleep. I guess he liked that extra bit of cushion to sleep on.

We love our Beavers!!!

I have been so bad at blogging and journaling what has been going on in our lives. I need and want to be better. So here is a start...

Last night was the CIVIL WAR and War of the Roses. We don't get huge into football in our house but we do love our Beavers. Hubs graduated from OSU as well as both of his parents and two of our brothers-in-law, so you can see that we are a Beaver family.

We were able to go and watch the game at our friend's house, whom are all duck fans, but we don't care. It was fun, with good food and good friends and a good game, even though we lost.

Mac got to play with his friend Cade, and he got to play with Cade's little train set. Mac was totally into it. He was also very funny because he kept dragging any adult (except for Mommy or Daddy) to go and play with him. He mostly liked having Cade's Grandma to play with him. (Can you tell that he is around more adults than children, this kid majorly needs a sibling!). And this morning Mac asked me "Where Cade's Grandma?" Too funny!

BEAVER BELIEVERS!!!

GO BEAVERS!!!

Question # 2 answered first...

I am still working on the answer to the first question I was asked, I am almost done with it, promise.

With an open adoption will it be possible for Mac to visit his birthmom on his own? Like when he is 15 and he wants to spend part of the summer with his birthmom. Is that a possibility with an open adoption? How would you address that if it came up?
I am pretty sure that most people do not know exactly what an open adoption is. Part of that is that it is fairly new in the adoption world, and because of that many people are not educated about the subject. Another reason is that an open adoption is unique with every situation so people have a hard time grasping what it actually is when it is really different for everyone.

When we first started our paperwork for adoption in 2006 we were very against open adoption. We thought that it would confuse a child or that we would not feel like the parents. But then as we learned more we decided to educate ourselves on it more and then as we did our hearts opened up to the actually very amazing experience of open adoption. Not long after that we were chosen by our son's Birthmother and the moment we met her, we knew we wanted her to always be in our lives as well as our son's.

Our open adoption and our son's Birthmother's situation is different then most. I don't want to go into details, because that isn't for me to share. But I don't think that Mac visiting his Birthmother on his own for a length of time will ever be a possibility. (Although we will have the privilege of her coming to visit us for a couple of days this coming summer, hopefully). I am sure that C will be married with a family of her own by then, and when that happens I am sure how we handle our open adoption will change a bit, because she has a right to move forward with her life. But if it was a possibility we would look at the whole situation and if it was appropriate emotionally for all involved then we would consider it. But honestly I don't see it happening.

Also, Mac will always know where he came from and he will always know his own personal story. He will always know who he is and who C is, and I think because of this he won't have the curiosity that would probably fuel the idea of wanting to have a long visit with C on his own. We pray everyday that we can raise Mac to love his story but that it doesn't define who he is, it is just a very important part. He is not special because he was adopted, but that he is special because of who he is, and the characteristics and traits that he received from his birthfamily.

We hope and pray that we always have an open relationship with C. I hope that we still get to visit every year. I pray that she will find someone worthy to marry her in the Temple and be very understanding of her past and will be open to us still having a relationship with her and her new family

Mac Sillies! (October)

These are just some of funny things I wrote down for Mac during the month of October.

Hubs was taking a nap on the couch after church and Mac went and climbed up on him and yelled at him "Daddeee wake up!"

When he is trying to say "really" he says "we" so we here alot, "it's we we we hot!"

He stepped on a carpet tack and told me "owie, want hammer!" I told him to go get his hammer and he took me into our closet and pointed up at the shelf and said "want the hammer". And of course for some odd reason the hammer was just sitting up on the shelf in our closet. I have no idea how he knew it was in there.

When were singing "Teach Me To Walk In The Light" for Mac's bedtime song and Mac sang every single word of it, correctly, with us. We were a little taken back, because he usually just sings the end of each phrase of any song we sing.

He was under the kitchen table and saw some letters underneath it, and said his usual "Mama...LMNOP!" (Which is what he says when he sees words or letters on things). But then he started making the sound for the letter K. So I went and looked at what he was pointing to, and sure enough it was the letter K stamped on the bottom of the table.

He had his finger in his ear and told me "Mama, itchy!" (This one may not sound funny, but I laughed because I had never heard him say that word let alone using it correctly.)When he says elephant it always come out as "elphantant"

The silly kid bites his nails. Which I hate and it is not a good habit, but he won't let us clip them either so I guess as long as they end up short one way or another.

Puddle Jumpin!

We had this giant puddle on the empty lot next to us and it was just calling Mac's name to come and play. Mac was having a blast even though it was freezing outside. He screamed when I grabbed him to go inside, but when we got to our front porch he told me he was cold. When I got his clothes off, his legs and feet were bright red. He got to take a warm bath and then he got his first hot chocolate.

not forgotten...

I have not forgotten about all the posts I have promised for National Adoption Month. I have actually been sick with an awful head cold, and I also completely lost my voice. I have some adoption questions to answer and also Mac's story to finish. It will happen I promise. I just need to get caught up a little with my to do list that got neglected since I got sick.

Birthmothers are amazing...

Meeting "C"!...(Mac's story~Part 5)

Mac's Story Parts 1-4

Meeting and getting to know our Birthmother.

After initially talking to C, I knew that I wanted to meet her as soon as possible. Hubs and I together wouldn't have a chance to meet her together for at least another month. I did not want to wait that long, so I called her the next week to see if we could me up that week for lunch (she only lived an hour away from us). She thought that was great. So the day I headed to meet her, I was completely terrified. But the moment I walked in the door of her work I was completely calm and it felt like I was seeing an old friend that I hadn't seen in a very long time. C walked right up to me and gave me a hug. I seriously thought I was dreaming.

We ended up jumping in her car and heading to her apartment. She really wanted me to watch the ultrasound video that she had for us. We watched it together as she showed me her favorite parts and showed me what I was actually seeing. I was watching our baby that we had waiting so long for. It was incredible to say the least. (You can imagine how many times we watched that video before Mac was born).

We then headed to lunch where we were able to ask each other a lot of questions. This was both awkward and exciting. Awkward because I am socially retarded and my thoughts don't come out of my mouth how I would like them to, and also because I hate to poke and prod at peoples personal lives. And exciting because I was learning more about this amazing young lady sitting in front of me, and I felt so privileged to be chosen by her.

I was able to learn about why C chose adoption for her and her baby. I learned what she wanted and didn't want for her baby. I learned how she came to choose us and that she knew that this baby was not hers and she really felt that Hubs and I were his parents. I was learning a new aspect of the Atonement that I had not yet before seen with my very own eyes. I was awe struck with C's faith, knowledge, and testimony. I was so happy to learn that her parents were very supportive of her, because all Birthmother's need that, and I didn't want C to be alone in this experience.

A couple of weeks later both Hubs and I were able to meet C again so that Hubs could meet her. Hubs said that the instant he saw and met her he knew that she would always be in our lives. And I felt the same way.

We met up several times over the next months. Sometimes both Hubs and I and sometimes just me. But I am ever so grateful for every moment we spent getting to know C and her getting to know us.

ask away!!!

Adoption is a hard concept to understand for most, especially those who have not been involved with it in some way. Actually I still have questions about adoption, which is why it was so wonderful to go to the FSA Adoption Conference this weekend.

So I wanted to give an opportunity to all of my readers to ask away! And over the month I will be answering them for you.

(Feel free to ask anonymously if you would like.)

So ASK AWAY!

Adoption, Advocacy and Awesomeness!

This weekend we are heading to an FSA conference in the Portland area.

FSA stands for Families Supporting Adoption.

I am really excited to go for a couple of reasons:

1. we get learn more about adoption

2. we get to meet others just like us

3. we get our education hours that we need to be approved for adoption

4. and we get to meet this awesome lady

I have been blog friends with Lindsey from the r house for more than two years (before she became a famous adoption advocate). She was kind enough to answer a lot of questions for me when we found out about adopting Mac.

She is an amazing lady,

and an amazing adoption advocate.

Check her Interview here to prove it!

I will try to explain...

First off I want to make sure you all know that I am fine, it really is nothing to worry about. And I want to thank everyone who was and is concerned about me. I love knowing that there are actually people out there who want to make sure that I am OK and who care about me. I also really didn't mean to make anyone concerned, I just was trying to give a brief explanation so people didn't wonder where the heck I was at, especially since I was totally on a roll with updating.

Let me see if I can kind of explain what I think is going on with me. I had been thinking about this break for a couple of days before I announced it. I hadn't really talked to my husband about it, because honestly I didn't really know where all the emotions were coming from and I didn't know exactly what I was feeling. I did however realize that the emotions I was feeling were actually ballooning when I was blogging, or looking at blogs. So I figured that I needed to take a break to figure out exactly what was going on with me. So I sat down with my awesome, wonderful husband, who always knows exactly what to say to me and help me figure out my thoughts when they are all jumbled up. The first thing he told me is that I can't stop blogging, it is our family journal and how we mostly keep in contact with Mac's Birthmother. I assured him that I would not stop updating "C"s blog. Then he started picking at my brain, and we had a long talk (while Mac was taking a long nap). And then I have had a few days to think about it all and this is what I came up with. I am only hoping that it kind of makes sense, I am not that great at putting my thoughts into words.

Adoption is not a "cure" for infertility! It is a cure for childlessness, and a great one at that! When you adopt your children, you don't leave behind the fact that you still can't have children on your own. To be honest I am actually about 90% OK with never being pregnant and not having biological children. But there is still that 10% that still will jump out and make me miserable, that tugs at my heart every time I hear someone is pregnant, that makes me drown a little in my sorrows. And I think that I have been trying to pretend to myself that I don't really feel like that, that I am holding it all together. Because if I didn't, than I fail, I let Satan win, that I am not excepting the road and plan that Heavenly Father has for me. The fact is that it does hurt sometimes, but that doesn't mean that I don't except my life. I love my life, I love that we are one of the lucky ones that get to experience adoption as a means of growing our family. (Those of you who don't get to experience that, you are REALLY missing out!) But still that doesn't take away the fact that we suffer from infertility, and that infertility is really hard to deal with.

Since Mac came into our lives through adoption, I guess I have put most of my emotions on the back burner. Our goal was to be parents, to raise a family, and we finally had that. So I guess I have been ignoring the initial reason that we had Mac in our arms in the first place. As we decided that we would start the adoption process again, the reality of it all hit at once. The stress and unknown that goes with adoption came to the surface. The frustrations of watching everyone else just think about having a baby and bam, they are pregnant. No having to save fore years just so you have barely enough money to pay for the expenses of adoption. No wondering how long it is going to take for some one to make you a mother or father. No worries that that person might change their mind at the last minute. No worries about how long it will take to get your background check done and to have complete strangers know every detail of your life. No having to fill out answers to a million questions and have your home scrutinized to make sure that you are fit parents. It is all very draining and sometimes a little discouraging.

But the essence of adoption is awesome! And we are really excited to do it again. We are excited to watch our family grow through this miracle. We are excited to watch prayers answered, ours, and those of our birthfamily. We are excited to see what kind of relationship we will have with our child's birthfamily. We are excited to hold our new little one, when ever that may be.

We are blessed!

I am not sure if any of that made sense or I explained everything that I am feeling. But it will have to do for now.

November is National Adoption Month and I want to spend the month, when I have the time, devoting my blog to adoption.

I hope to be able to finish Mac's adoption story.

Link you to some awesome articles.

Link you to some awesome people who are waiting to adopt.

Maybe even share a few adoption stories of other adoptive families.

I'll be back soon...

I Hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween!

Isn't our little train conductor just the cutest?!

And on that note...

November is NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH!

And besides the 10 million other things I have going on I am going to try to devote my blog to adoption this month (as if it wasn't already).

So stay tuned for some awesomeness! (Hopefully)

I think it's time...

...to take a break from all things blogging!

I have too many emotions running through me right now,

and blogging is making it even worse.

So until I can get my act together I will not be blogging, nor reading any blogs for a length of time.

I don't know how long, I will see where I am at after the holidays.

So to you all, I say see ya later...

for now!

If you want to keep in contact, email me or text me.

(I won't be facebooking either!)

NOTHING better...NOTHING cuter!!!

I can't even begin to tell you what it does to my heart when I see a smile on my baby boys face! It is something I waited for for so long!

enjoying the fall beauty with my boy!

It all started with a lady bug...

I LOVE everyday with my boy!

bubble bath...

Things Mac ~ 22 months edition

He is always asking to have lights on or lights off and will say it is dark when I turn a light off.
He sometimes calls a candle a "happy birthday", but he will also call them a candle.
Sings “elmos world” randomly and when it is about to come.
He has started to sleep with a pillow.
Has turned into such a great eater.
Weird things he has eaten: kippered snacks, green olives.
favortie foods: oatmeal, toast, pizza, banana bread, apple sauce, noodles of any kind, taco soup, chicken and sauce/ketchup, green beans
Loves to help put the groceries away.
Has a memory like no other, seriously.
Recognizes President Monson and President Hinckley in pictures.
Is deathly afraid of the vacuum.
Can sing almost every word to all the songs we usually sing and can sing the tunes perfectly, he will often go around the house just humming the tune to twinkle twinkle little star.
Loves to go for walks and rides in his wagon.
Loves to get go get the mail.
Loves to snuggle with us on the couch.
Loves to give hugs and kisses.
Still loves all things GO.
He has definitly hit his terrible twos: tantrums, hitting and being defiant.
When he screams I am surprised that he hasnt shattered our windows.
He loves to reorganize the pantry.
Talks in sentences and they are becoming complete sentences more and more.
Phrases we hear all the time: “i got it!”, “Mamaaa, where arrre youuu?”, "it's a good bite."
He recognizes and knows the names a lot of animals and contruction equipment.
He loves to be goofy and funny and loves to have fun.
If you do anything that he thinks is fun, he will NEVER let you stop, you have to do it over and over.
He is getting better at church. I hardly have to take him out for sacrament meeting and he will stay in nursery now as long as we are in the room. He gets upset when we leave, but we don't play with him while we are in there, so hopefully he will learn soon to be ok without us.
He loves when daddy makes up goofy songs about what ever it is we are doing.
Right now his favorite books are the ones we have from the library.
He loves dr suess books and calls the cat in the hat “sam” because we read green eggs and ham a lot.
He can say the entire alphabet...sometimes.
He is trying to get the hang of counting: he will usually only say "one.two." or "nine.ten." but if you count then stop he will usually get the next number right.
He is trying to go from two naps to one a day. Some days are better than others.
He likes to list things off (ie. “a digger, a truck, a skid steer, a bulldozer...”
He usually has to buckle the straps in his booster seat before he is ready to get in it to eat.
Refers to himself as Mac: Mac's water, Mac's truck
When he says football it comes out “goofball”. It cracks me up everytime.
We love Mac more than words can say!