comfort those in need of comfort...

This post has been in the works for awhile and I have just been able to get the words down to finish.

As with most trials, infertility is hard...REALLY hard! It leaves you vulnerable, depressed, overwhelmed, along with a million more feelings. One minute you can be fine with it all and feel like a warrior, and the next you feel like you were pushed into a deep dark pit that you could never get out of. At some points you can feel like you have made HUGE strides in healing and moving on, and then unexpectedly something triggers and you realize that in actuality you have just put those feelings on the back burner for awhile.

In the fall of 2009 we decided to start the adoption paperwork to find our second baby. I was really excited and just happy to make the decision to get going on the process. Then unexpectedly I found myself having a hard time with it all. I felt depressed and angry. I was really struggling. And to top it off, I kept it all to myself, not even talking to my husband about it. I spent alot of nights crying and praying in bed after my husband fell asleep, trying to be quiet as to not wake him. I was totally caught off guard by these feelings, and felt like I was an awful person for feeling that way at all. Which is mostly why I kept it to myself, even though I don't think I was good at hiding it.

The beginning of 2010 was changing for me. I was having some strong feelings about us getting our paperwork done sooner rather than later. But was still struggling with that since I wasn't sure how we would even pay for another adoption, let alone another baby. But in my heart I KNEW that our baby girl was coming soon. And I worked my tail off at doing my part to make sure we were ready.

Then little things began to happen that I knew was Satan's way of telling us that we were on the right track and he didn't want us going through with another adoption. I had the one up, because I KNOW that Satan's greatest plan is to destroy the family.

One particular thing happened that was a changing point for me on many different levels. A relative of mine said some very nasty things to me that were completely insensitive and uncalled for. I don't want to, or feel the need to share the details of the situation, but what I learned from her actions (not by what she said to me) will be ever present in my life. And for that I am grateful! Not grateful to her, but grateful for my trials and what I can learn from them and grateful for the plan that my Heavenly Father has for me.

The greatest thing I learned was that because of my trials I can have compassion, empathy, and love for others who are going through trials in there life. And I am not talking about just infertility, ALL trials.

I ended up feeling sorry for this person that patronized and belittled me. She made the choice to do that instead of realizing she could be of comfort to me or be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. She could have asked me if there was anything she could do for me instead of telling me to stop complaining. She missed an opportunity to serve and be an example of Christ.

The scriptures say comfort those in need of comfort, mourn with those that mourn. Even Jesus did this on many occasion. He cried with those that lost loved ones, instead of telling them to get over it or move on.

In retrospect, I feel like I already lived that way before, but I am even more aware of it in my life then ever before. I have had many opportunities since this has happened to be there for others who are struggling with big, hard things in their life. And I am grateful that I could be there for them. It has deepened long time friendships and I have made new, life long friends also.