April 1, 2010

Oak and her beautiful birthmother

Origianlly written April 1, 2010, but never posted

I have had some very strong feelings that have come with preparing to adopt our second baby. I am a little taken back by them. I don't remember having this strong of feelings when we went through the adoption process the first time, pretty sure I didn't have them. Although we knew that we were supposed to move and it was supposed to be to Montana, we didn't really ever think that it had to do with finding Mac until we found him, and then we knew the "why" to it all.


This time around. Without fail, everytime I think about having another baby, I picture a baby girl. And to be honest, I don't want to be one sided about that thought. I am really fine with either, REALLY! It scares me to think that if I only think about having a girl that when we are actually chosen and it is a boy, that I may worry that this isn't "our baby". That is a really scary thought to me. So I try to imagine having a boy, and it just doesn't feel right. When I go shop the clearance racks my attention is usually drawn to the toddler boy and the baby girl stuff...without even thinking about it. I kindof did the same thing before Mac was born, I knew our first baby would be a boy, but it felt more like that is what I was hoping for more than anything and i would buy baby boy clothes all the time (I had a nice stock pile when we found out about Mac).


Another strong feeling I have had is wanting OUR baby, not just any baby. I feel a closeness to this baby of ours so much already, I feel like I am already creating a bond with him or HER. We aren't just waiting for a baby, we are waiting for OUR baby, the one that is part of our eternal family, and has been apart of the plan the whole time. It really makes me long for her and miss her. My arms truly ache for her! It is a feeling I am sure those that experience pregnancy feel towards the baby inside them. And all of this kindof make me wonder if this process will go by fast, that I am having these feelings because she is already on her way to us, she already exists in the loving care of her birthmothers body. It makes me very anxious to get approved, not frustrated that we arent' approved yet, but just very anxious to have our names and faces out there so that we are that much closer to finding her.


I am loving these feeling, although sometimes very confused by them, but loving them!

I really loved the words written here of a woman's testimony of adoption and her family!