Road Trip Part 4

Our entire trip was based on getting to visit with Mac's birth family. It had been more than a year and a half since we had seen C. And four years since we had seen Mac's Birth Grandparents. This is something we have wanted to do for many years and this year we made it happen. And it was so worth it! We love having an open adoption and that Mac gets to have a relationship with his other family, who loves him just as much as we do. Not only do they love Mac, but love Oak too. It was a visit that i will always treasure. They were so fun, and made us great food, and took us to some fun places. They were just so much fun to be around. We stayed one night in a local hotel and then were planning on heading home as to not over stay our welcome, but they talked us into staying one more night and let us stay with them. Mac thought it was the coolest thing to stay the night at his Birth Moms house. 

They live in a town on Flat Head Lake in Montana and it was a beautiful town. It reminded me of some of the coastal town in Oregon. 

The first night C made us a delicious dinner and then we were going to go on a ferry/boat ride but missed it. But then we had fun just walking along the lake playing and throwing rocks. When we got to their house they had some fun boxes of toys for the kids to play with . The great thing was that the toys were what C's mom had saved from C and her siblings. 

The next morning after we stayed in our hotel we headed back over for a yummy breakfast of bacon pancakes and blueberry pancakes. YUM! Then after Oak helped V (Mac's birth grandma) make homemade giant cinnamon rolls, we headed off to the Dam. I can't remember the name of it. The hike down to the viewing area was these cool stairs. They were wide and short steps so they were perfect for Oak to walk down on her own. Mac was tired because he had just woken up when we got there. 

I have no clue what the name of this river is, but Mac's birth family said that they float it all the time.

Everyone was disappointed because the Dam wasn't open. Usually the water is rushing through it and it is so loud that you can't hear the person talking next to you and you get wet from the mist. I guess the dam is higher than Niagra Falls.

Oak laughing at V.

Then we headed to a park on the lake. We thought the kids would play on the playground but they had more fun throwing rocks and eventually just got in because the water was warm. They had so much fun! And it was pretty fun watching them.

They had these cool bench swings all along the shore facing the lake. They were so cool and the kids loved it.

After they convinced us to stay another night. we enjoyed another yummy dinner we spent the evening exploring their beautiful garden, playing crochet, swinging on their porch swing, roasting marshmallows, watching Star Wars and eating pop corn. It was really all very perfect. 

This is one lucky boy! Mac loves his Birth Mother and she loves him as you can tell. As we drove away from C's house Mac said to me, "Do you know why C is so cool?...Because she is my Birth Mom!" That is right buddy. We are so very blessed to have C and her family in our lives. And we hope next summer we will take another trip to visit them.

Birth families...

Tonight I was texting a bit with Oak's birth mother and setting up plans to get together soon with her and her mother. A little bit later I was looking at Mac's birthmother's blog and reading her updates. And then I just got this overwhelming feeling like my heart would just burst with love for these amazing people. I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly blessed I feel to know them on such a deep level and to just know them in general. I don't just love them for what they have done for me, because their sacrifice wasn't for me. But I love them for the sacrifice they made for our children, for their babies. It is a very rare thing to know someone as deeply as that, I feel incredibly honored. I so look up to both of our children's birth families and think so highly of them and try to draw strength from their examples.

It hurts my heart to hear how those who are ignorant to the world of adoption talk about birth parents or birth families. I hate when I hear people say things like, "I could never do that." or "How could someone do that?". I try so hard to share with others how amazing I think our birth families are, how amazing all birth families are. I try to share as much of the positive things and blessings that have come to our birth families because of their choice and sacrifice. And I hope it has helped, I hope I have made a difference. 

I was asked to give a talk on adoption in our ward last fall and my entire talk ended up being about what I learned from C's (Mac's birth mother) example through her trials, choice and sacrifice. (I can't share anything about Oak's birth family).

I wasn't planning on sharing it on my blog because of it's very personal nature for me and for C. But I have felt the promptings to do so now.

.............

As I read one particular line in the Primary Song "The Family is of God", I found that it had great meaning to me personally, “God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be.”  I felt this was true personally in the building of my own eternal family.

Exactly five years ago, my husband and I were led to make a decision that would send us on a journey that has changed our lives in so many ways.  We did not know it at the time, but this decision would bring so many opportunities for us to learn, and grow in ways we did not know was even possible. The consequential events that have happened since that decision have brought us more joy and gratitude then we ever thought possible. That decision was to grow our family through adoption.

When we made the decision to adopt, I was not aware of the profound impact that it would have on my spiritual growth and how much it would solidify my testimony.  What I have experienced and witnessed in this journey has forever changed my outlook on life and on those around  me.  I know that this experience was a part of my Heavenly Father’s eternal plan for me to become what He wants me to be.

We have been blessed twice through adoption and each of our children’s adoption stories is immensely precious to me. I am not able to share with you every experience or everything I learned, but I do want to share some things I learned from one particular young lady that is very near and dear to my heart. Her example to me, as well as my knowledge of Heavenly Father’s love for her, has forever changed me. 

What I know about "C" doesn’t start with the day she came into our lives, but a few months prior when we were making a huge leap of faith by following the spirit. We felt strongly we were to make a big move that would take us far from our family. After we had officially made the decision to move we went to look for a place to live. That very same weekend C would find out she was pregnant. She would immediately know that the baby she carried was not hers, but belonged in an eternal family with a Mother and a Father. This young lady was Mac’s Birth Mother.

As I have looked back at the timing, I realized that Heavenly Father was not only answering our countless prayers to become parents, but answering C’s prayers before she even uttered them. What more proof do you need that Heavenly Father knows each of us individually and loves us enough to know what we need even before we need it. This very knowledge allows us to know that we are true children of God.

The next few months for C would consist of a lot of time on her knees praying to find a family for her baby whom she called “Peanut”.  I am actually going to share this part of   C's story in her own words.

“"...[The time came] to choose parents for “Peanut”…   I got online and started looking at couples [hoping to adopt]…  Right away the names “B and B” stood out to me…I looked at the other couples and read all their profiles.  I wrote down each couples names so I could pray about it in the next few weeks.  Day after day I would pray over each individual couple waiting for some prompting or feeling about each one.  I was starting to get frustrated because I wasn’t getting any answers.  That morning I had read a talk by Richard G. Scott about receiving answers to prayers.  He instructed that sometimes the Lord lets us make our own decisions and then he can approve or disapprove.  So I got down on my knees and prayed:  “Heavenly Father, I would really like B and B to be Peanut’s parents.”   I had this amazing peace and comfort come over me which I couldn’t stop the flow of tears.  I knew that He had approved of my decision and I was so grateful for that confirmation.” –“C”

Richard G Scott said, “It matters not our circumstance, be we humble or arrogant, poor or rich, free or enslaved, learned or ignorant, loved or forsaken, we can address Him. We need no appointment. Our supplication can be brief or can occupy all the time needed. It can be an extended expression of love and gratitude or an urgent plea for help. He has created numberless cosmos and populated them with worlds, yet you and I can talk with Him personally, and He will ever answer.”

I am sure C was feeling less than worthy to receive an answer to her prayers, yet she humbled herself and asked in faith. Her example of faith in wanting to find the right family for her baby leaves me overwhelmed with knowledge that she loved him enough to do what was best for him. She did that for him! She was not thinking of herself, if she had been, she would not have taken it to prayer and could have easily just chosen anyon. Because she did this for him, we have our beautiful son.

The day after C said this prayer and received her answer, we received the phone call that brought her into our lives. This day we found out that we would finally have an answer to our prayers and we would finally be parents in just five short months.  And although at this point I had never met her and I knew nothing about her, I already knew the best part about her: her deep and abiding love for her baby. Our hearts not only grew to love our soon-to-be baby, but his Birth Mother as well.

The night before C was to be induced to deliver her baby boy. I lay in bed thinking about her, worrying about, and wondering what she was feeling. I really could not imagine the pain and heartache that she would be feeling that night as she thought about the next day when she would deliver a baby that would not be hers to keep. I was praying my heart out for her to be comforted and know the love that we have for her and the love that our Heavenly Father has for her. I prayed that she was not alone, that she had the support she needed as she anticipated the events of the following day.

When C was in labor, she asked us to come to the hospital and see her. When we walked into the hospital room we were greeted by C’s mother, who was so excited to see us and opened her arms to embrace us with a hug. I was taken aback by this woman who we only just met, yet I could feel the love she had for us radiating from her. I watched her with her daughter and could tell how deeply she loved C and Mac.  What I witnessed from this woman in the hospital will forever be a true example to me of unconditional love, and the very true sense of what a mother should be. 

Mac was born just a few hours later, and as I walked into the room to see my son for the first time, I saw him in the arms of his birth mother and she was just beaming with pride for this beautiful baby boy that she had cared for the last nine months. She immediately handed him to me, and to look into the eyes of my beautiful son, Mac was a moment I will never forget. I was now a mother, his mother.

The next day was an emotional one. I knew it would be hard, but in actuality I wasn’t prepared for the intensity of all that would take place. My heart literally broke into a million pieces as I watched C cry as she held and kissed and snuggled Mac and was preparing to say goodbye to him. She carefully dressed him, and stroked his soft skin when he cried and placed a hand crocheted hat on his head that she had so carefully made just for this day.  As I stood by and watched this, I learned in a very powerful way the true meaning of selflessness.

That day I knew that I would always be able to tell Mac with a surety that C loves him as much as we do. I can tell him that it broke her heart to have to leave him, but made her so happy to know that he would have a forever family.

We took Mac home and as we soaked in every ounce of happiness that our sweet, little Mac brought us, our hearts still ached for C.  I could hardly think about her or talk about her without getting choked up and tears forming in my eyes. I had witnessed her make a sacrifice for the beautiful baby boy that was laying in my arms. I knew as I held him, she was hurting, yet she was happy that he was where he was supposed to be.

As the months went by, C would share with us her testimony of her experience and surety of her choice for Mac and of her plans for the future. Her progress through repentance seemed to shine through every time we saw her. And she seemed to really grasp and understand the purpose and power of the Atonement.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson recently spoke at General Conference, saying, “Without repentance, there is no real progress or improvement in life. Pretending there is no sin does not lessen its burden and pain. Suffering for sin does not by itself change anything for the better. Only repentance leads to the sunlit uplands of a better life. And, of course, only through repentance do we gain access to the atoning grace of Jesus Christ and salvation. Repentance is a divine gift, and there should be a smile on our faces when we speak of it. It points us to freedom, confidence, and peace. Rather than interrupting the celebration, the gift of repentance is the cause for true celebration.”

Seeing her happy, made us happy! And we would celebrate with her as she reached the goals she had set for herself.

C too would celebrate with us as we reached milestones in Mac’s adoption. She repeatedly would tell us, she couldn’t wait until he was able to be sealed to us.

We were able to finalize Mac’s adoption when he was six months old and we joyfully took him with us into the Temple where he became a part of our eternal family, just as if he had been born to us. We were very blessed to have C and her parents make the very long drive to come to the Temple on that very special day. And C’s parents actually attended our sealing. As we came out of the Temple, C came to me, hugged me so tightly and told me how grateful she was that we both got what we wanted, an eternal family for Mac. How precious and beautiful those words were to my heart. How grateful I am to know this beautiful daughter of God.

Her and her families sacrifice along with the sacrifice Oak’s birth family, make me a better person and a better mother. They prove that we can do hard things, that we can triumph over our downfalls and our trials. They prove that adoption is truly about hope and love. That we can love others no matter their choices or circumstances or differences.

I testify to you that we are all children of God, that he loves us and is ever mindful of all of us, of our joys and sorrows, our wants, needs and greatest desires, and of our good and poor choices. He is there when we pray, he is waiting, listening and answering our prayers. His hand is ever present in our lives, even if we don’t see it. He wants us to be happy.

The Adoption Triad

I submitted a photo for this project a few years ago. It is one of my all time favorite photos of Mac and his birth mother. It was right before we were to take him home from the hospital when he was just barely one day old. You can honestly feel her heartache and love for him just looking at the photo. It is close to the begining of the video (I  think at 1:01), but honestly all the photos along with the music just pull at my heartstrings and remind me how blessed I am to be a part of adoption.

it is all about LOVE...

I love adoption with my entire heart and soul!

And to have an open adoption makes it a millions times better than that!

We had an amazing evening tonight. Mac's birth mother C came to visit us! We have not seen her in two years. I can't even begin to explain to you how much my heart burst with joy when this beautiful young lady walked into our house and I was able to give her a hug. This little boy of mine is one lucky little guy to have such an amazing birth mother. And I can't believe how lucky we are to have her too!

I had actually been pretty nervous about seeing her again. I wasn't sure how Mac would act or react. But it all went more than perfect! We had been talking to Mac about her coming to visit all week and he seemed excited. Today when Primary was over he jumped out of his seat and ran to me and asked excitedly if it was time for C to come to our house. When it was just about time for her to arrive he stood at the little window by our front door and waited patiently. And when she finally came he was screaming with excitement and running up and down the hall. He was a little shy at first but quickly warmed up to her and her boyfriend J. He loved every second with C and would have liked to have kept her all to himself in his bedroom. He didn't leave her side! As they were getting ready to leave and C was in the bathroom. Mac asked me where C was because he wanted to say "I love you" to her. I about lost it. He gave her hugs and kisses and I was the happiest Mama at that moment so grateful for the grand blessing it is to be Mac's Mother and to watch him with his beautiful birth mother. As they were getting in the car he kept on saying "Bye C!" over and over and then when they drove off he got really sad and kept on telling us that he didn't want her to leave. I am in tears right now just thinking about it all! I am grateful that we are able to teach Mac about where he came from and who and what C means to us.

This day will definitely make my list of best days of my life!

 

A jewel in my crown...

One of my favorite things to do is go and check on Mac before we head to bed ourselves. Sometimes I like to linger a little longer than just to check on him. There is something about our own babies asleep, that is so magical, and that brings out my gratitude for this beautiful little guy in my life. He has filled such a huge hole in my heart since he came into my life two and half years ago. And that hole was meant just for him, no one else could have filled it. He is the little one that made me a Mother (from the arms of his Birthmother), and the wait for him was worth every heartache, every tear, every moment of despair. He was so worth it!

I also know that Mac's Birthmother C feels the same way on her end, she has told me many times that Mac is such a blessing in her life. I know she feels that all those moments in her life that brought Mac into our lives were worth it to have him in her life.

Something in my Patriarchal blessing that has always stuck out to me, even before I was married, is a part that talks about me being a Mother. It literally brings tears to my eyes every time I think about this phrase... "Your children will make up the jewels of your Eternal Crown."

Mac is definitely my little jewel that I wear proudly as his Mother, and I can't wait until I receive the rest of my little, glorious jewels.

The wait for their added shining, beauty in our lives will most definitely be worth the wait!

Birthmothers are amazing...

National Adoption Month

November is NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH!

It makes me smile that there is a whole month devoted to just ADOPTION. I feel so fortunate to be apart of the adoption community and to get to feel first hand all the love and emotion that goes along with growing your family through adoption. I just want to take this opportunity to share my feelings with all my friends and family and all those that may peek at my blog. I feel that it is so important to get a positive message out there about adoption, so if anyone has any questions about adoption or our own story of adoption, I would be happy to answer them.

I can't even begin to tell you EXACTLY how this picture makes me FEEL!

This is our sweet, beautiful, angel "C" holding our Mac right before we took him home from the hospital. I feel so fortunate that we had about 5 months before Mac was born to get to know C pretty well. But it also made it that much harder to watch her go through the pain and heart ache that goes with placing your child. After leaving the hospital with our son, I could not think about C or what had just happened with adopting Mac with out crying. It is a very unique experience to feel so incredibly happy and so incredibly heartbroken at the same time. How I love and admire C for her vision, for her beautiful, selfless heart, for her sincere love and concern for Mac, for her desire to do the right thing for her son, and for just loving Mac enough to put him before her own comfort and desires. I think about and pray for C every single day! And my love for her is as deep as it is for Mac. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to keep in contact with C often. It makes us so happy to know that she is doing so well, and to know that her future is bright as Heavenly Father is surely blessing her for the sacrifice she has made for our sweet Mac.

C, I hope that you know how much you are loved by not only us, but our extended family. Mac will always know your great love for him. You are our hero!

Saying THANK YOU is just not enough!

 

After so many years of crying and yearning for this day, it felt so surreal when it finally happened. Especially in the manner of which it happened. This picture is of us seeing and holding our son for the first time. Mac was only about 30 minutes old and you could feel his sweet spirit and we knew something wonderful was happening right before our eyes. We knew this beautiful little baby boy was OUR son. We had to wait along time for him, but all the pain and heartache we felt from our infertility was worth it and we would go through it a million more times for this unique and amazing experience. I know without a doubt that Mac was to come to us in the way he came to us, when he was supposed to come to us. There was no other way! Mac is almost one and this day has been on my mind alot. I can't believe that I have had the great privilege to be Mac's mother and that it never would have happened without our C.

Making Mac ours FOREVER was a dream come true!

The day was more special than I could have ever imagined. Being able to have my family forever is so important to me. And to be able to share that with so many family and friends was a special experience. The moment I walked into the sealing room, I started balling (I remember doing the same thing when Hubs and I were married and sealed). To be able to look across at my sweet husband and then over at my beautiful son and to know that we were a forever family was such a peaceful and satisfying feeling.

And the icing on the cake was seeing C and having her parents attend the sealing. We had the opportunity to spend a little bit of time with them before we were supposed to get ready for our sealing. And I will treasure those moments of getting to see them interact with Mac forever. I know having them there will always be special for Mac, because he will know that they all loved him enough to let him have an eternal family with a Mother and Father. I will never forget what C said to me as we had to say goodbye. She was crying and she hugged me and told me that it made her so happy to know that we all got what we wanted. Oh my beautiful C, how we LOVE YOU!


The opportunity to grow our family through adoption is truly a blessing I am so grateful for! I love being Mac's mother, I love watching my husband be the best father he can be. I love watching Mac grow and learn, although it breaks my heart at how fast that is happening right before my eyes. We want the world for Mac. I pray everyday that we can do our best at raising Mac to be proud of where he came from.
We can't wait until we have the opportunity again to grow our family through adoption. And we pray that it will happen in Heavenly Father's time, not ours.


Please be an advocate for adoption!
If you have the opportunity...
Help single women in unplanned pregnancies realize that there is another option out there for them.
Be supportive to adoptive couples who struggle with infertility by being sensitive and aware of their very tender feelings.

CHOSEN...

One year ago today we got the call that we did not think would ever come. The call that said that we would get to be parents, finally.

The Gift We Could Not Give Each Other

When I was a little girl I held my dolls like children
Dreaming of the day when I'd have babies of my own
When the news was shared with me
That all those dreams could never be
It became the deepest grief my heart had ever known
There's a man who tried his best to comfort me with roses
Promising he'd find a way to make those dreams come true
He did everything he could
To heal my heart but nothing would
And when it seemed that we'd done everything that faith could do
A wondrous gift was given with a phone call straight from heaven
"There's a child that's nearly due that a young girl's giving you"
She gave more than just one life when she made of this man and wife
A father and a mother when she gave the gift
We could not give each other
More than words can ever say
Our hearts give thanks to heaven
Every time we hold this child we feel we hold the world
Words will never be enough to share the way our family feels
But with every breath we breathe we want to tell that girl
Not a day is ever through
Till we thank the Lord for you
And sweetness lingers here
In our thoughts and prayers
You gave more than just one life
When you made this man and wife a father and a mother
And you gave the gift we could not give each other
You have changed our lives forever
Only you and God above could give the gift of love
we could not give each other
A song from the Book "From Gods Arms To my Arms To Yours" by Michael McLean

My cell phone rang on Tuesday, July 24th, 2007, and I did not recognize the phone number so I didn't answer it. After a minute my phone made a little noise telling me they had left a message. It was our social worker, Cary. He said that he would track down Hubs at work. I got a little antsy thinking maybe this was the call we had hoped for, but I wasn't jumping to too many conclusions, I didn't want to get my hopes up. A few minutes later Hubs calls me from work, and said that Cary had called him and told him that we had been chosen by a Birthmother. He gave us her name, age and phone number and told us when the baby was due. He told us to call her and it was up to us how we went forward with the Birthmother and that he didn't really need to be involved. I was kind of in shock, I didn't cry or get hysterical, I just said, OK. I guess this is it.

I waited until Thursday evening to call C. I was a bit terrified, since I really hate talking on the phone. So Hubs and I kneeled down together to pray for the strength we needed to do this. I gave her a call and we talked for about a half hour or so. One thing I remember very clearly her asking us was, "So are you excited?" I couldn't believe that she was so sweet to ask us that. She told me that she was going to find out the next day if the baby was a boy or girl and she was going to have the ultrasound recorded on a video tape for us. She said that she thought that the baby would have brown curly hair and brown eyes (so we have been quite surprised by his red hair and bright blue eyes, which we love). We tried to come up with a good weekend we could get together with her since she only lived an hour away. It wouldn't be for weeks that we would all be able to do this and I was a bit disappointed because I was so anxious to meet her. C called me the next afternoon to tell me that it was a BOY. I was so excited! Except that Hubs and I could not ever agree on boy names, ever.

I called my mom and dad that afternoon. My parents had already planned on coming for Christmas, so I had asked my mom if they were still planning on coming for Christmas, she said yes. So I told her I just got her the best Christmas present and I asked her if she wanted to know what it was. She said yes, so I said "a baby boy". She was a little confused. So I then told her that we were going to adopt a baby boy due in December. She started to cry.

Hubs's parents were coming the next day to visit for a few days. So we decided to wait and tell them when they got there. When they got there Hubs waited till he was ready and told them that they would have another grandson coming in December. They were confused too, and we had to explain that we were CHOSEN by a birthmother to adopt her baby boy. Hubs's Mom was in tears.

I have been wanting to share the comment C left me on Mother's Day (from the blog that I keep for her). I felt like this was the perfect time...

Yay! I'm so glad i got to see you guys! you are the best B! i love you the most! you are definitely one of the best moms i know! I hope you have had a good first mothers day! I have to tell you that I'm so glad that you're Mac's mom. I've been hearing a lot of talks about prayers lately and thinking back, i remember when i first was looking at profiles of couples who wanted to adopt, and as soon as i saw your guys profile, i felt like you were the couple for him. for a couple weeks i had tried praying about it and hadn't seemed to get an answer, and one morning i got on my knees and said "father, i really would like B and B to be peanuts parents" and i just got this woosh of peace and calming and i knew that you were meant to be his parents from the beginning. I don't know why i just told you that story, but i guess I'm just so thankful that Heavenly father had a plan for all four of us before we even knew it. Seeing you with Mac just reaffirms every time that I made be the best choice by giving him to you and you made the wonderful decision to accept him :) I am so excited that you get to move back to be close to your family, seriously that's what i really wanted for Mac was for him to be able to be close to his cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles. I love you so much! You are so amazing :) Thank you for everything you've done for me...thank you isn't enough! :)Love,C

Yep that's our beautiful, amazing C!

I can't even begin to tell you how I feel when I think about how all of this came to pass, and to finally have our sweet little Mac in our arms. And also the relationship we have with C and the feelings we have for her are just indescribable!

We love you C, more than you can even imagine!

Thank You for what you have done for us, for yourself, and especially for our Mac!

And you are right, Thank You just isn't quite enough!

so thankful for birthmothers...

Yesterday afternoon, Mac and I headed to the WalMart to do our dreaded grocery shopping. As we were heading down each aisle, we kept on meeting up with the same people. There was this one lady, probably in her 60's who kept on commenting on how cute Mac is, and how precious babies are. And she would say something to us every time we saw her. After this happening a few times, we stopped and chatted for a few minutes.

She told me how much she loved babies and how so precious they are, and she was tickling Mac's feet. She asked me if I was from around here, and I said that I lived here. She continued by telling me that her and some of her friends were just at the library getting signatures to help stop abortion. I told her that was so wonderful. She told me how she knew that babies were human beings from the moment they are conceived and that abortion is so awful. (She wasn't being political, she was just telling me how she felt.) I told her that I felt the same way about it and told her that we had adopted Mac. She just lit up when I told her that.

She said that when she was 17 years old she placed her baby girl for adoption. She said that she knew she just couldn't take care of a baby. She told me she never regretted it. She started getting emotional. She said that she told herself that before she died that she would find her daughter. Her baby was born in South Carolina and she found her 37 years later living in the exact same state that she lives in (Montana). She met her and her adoptive parents. And she has a wonderful relationship with all of them now. I asked her if her daughter had a good life, and she said that she did and that her parents were so wonderful to her and that she turned out to be a wonderful woman.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She asked me about adopting Mac and I told her about the relationship we have with his birthmother and she just got all excited about it. She then asked me if she could hug me and she is crying. So we hugged and she told me that she was so glad that she met me.

I went home with such gratitude for our sweet C and her amazingly difficult sacrifice for our amazing son. I am so grateful that Hubs and I have gotten the opportunity to experience the miracle of adoption. We are so blessed to be able to become parents in this manner, I wouldn't change it for anything!

Mac's Mommy!

For ONE whole month I have been Mac's Mommy! I LOVE IT! I love this job! I love this sweet, beautiful baby boy! I love my husband as his Daddy. I love Mac's birthmother! I love adoption!  

I AM SO BLESSED!!

We celebrated Mac's one month birthday by hanging out with "C", Mac's birthmother! She is so amazing and I really could sit and talk with her forever! (And by the way she looks amazing and skinny!) It was so great to see her!

Thinking about her...

As we are preparing tonight to leave in the morning, I can't help but think about "C".

I wonder what she is thinking, if she is scared. I am hoping her Mom is with her. I have an overwhelming urge of wanting to comfort her, and be there for her. I just have so much love for her, it's incredible. And I hope that she know the great love we have for her and will always have for her. I am hoping that I will be able to handle the intense feelings that all will be feeling tomorrow and through out the weekend.

I probably wont sleep much tonight, because obviously I have alot to think about.

Please pray for "C", that she may find peace and comfort.

When I grow up...

Ever since I could remember all I wanted to be when I grew up was a Mother. I remember thinking at one point in my adulthood (before I met Hubs) that I wanted to be a Mother so badly but that it might not happen so easily for me. I don't know why I thought this, but I don't ever remember thinking it again, in fact I had totally forgotten that I had this thought until after many years of Hubs and I trying to have children of our own. This road of infertility was very painful. But at Christmas it seemed to hurt the most, almost unbearable. Even thinking about that pain right now brings me to tears, because it is still so close to the surface.

And here we are this Christmas season waiting for the most wonderful gift that we could ever receive. And the best part of waiting for our little one during this season and getting to celebrate Christmas with him, is being able to reflect on our Saviors birth also. It brings a whole new light on that most wonderful day more than 2000 years ago. It all feels so overwhelming, the miracle of it all, of our Savior being born to Mary and the gift of his life. And also to be thinking about our baby boy being born to our beautiful, selfless birthmother, who will be giving him life, not once but TWICE.

I have often thought why can we not have the blessing of children in our home, and now all I can think about is why are we so blessed to have the gift of adoption in our home, and to be blessed with a beautiful baby boy during the most wonderful time of year.

As I was reading this talk on someone else's blog, all I could think about was our birthmother. I seriously don't know how to express what I feel for her. And it is really hard for me to think that there will never be a way that I could adequately thank her for the gift she is giving to us and more importantly her beautiful son.

"Christmas doesn't come from a store"

Jeffrey R. Holland

Again, I’ve thought of Luke’s careful phrasing about that holy night in Bethlehem:

“The days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

"“And (she) brought forth her firstborn son, and [she] wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and [she] laid him in a manger” (Luke 2:6–7; emphasis added).

Those brief pronouns trumpet in our ears that, second only to the child himself, Mary is the chiefest figure, the regal queen, mother of mothers—holding center stage in this grandest of all dramatic moments. And those same pronouns also trumpet that, save for her beloved husband, she was very much alone.

I have wondered if this young woman, something of a child herself, here bearing her first baby, might have wished her mother, or an aunt, or her sister, or a friend, to be near her through the labor. Surely the birth of such a son as this should command the aid and attention of every midwife in Judea! We all might wish that someone could have held her hand, cooled her brow, and when the ordeal was over, given her rest in crisp, cool linen.

But it was not to be so. With only Joseph’s inexperienced assistance, she herself brought forth her firstborn son, wrapped him in the little clothes she had knowingly brought on her journey, and perhaps laid him on a pillow of hay.

Then on both sides of the veil a heavenly host broke into song. “Glory to God in the highest,” they sang, “and on earth peace, good will toward men” (Luke 2:14). But except for heavenly witnesses, these three were alone: Joseph, Mary, and the baby to be named Jesus.

At this focal point of all human history, a point illuminated by a new star in the heavens revealed for just such a purpose, probably no other mortal watched—none but a poor young carpenter, a beautiful virgin mother, and silent stabled animals who had not the power to utter the sacredness they had seen.

Shepherds would soon arrive and, later, wise men would follow from the East. But first and forever there was just a little family, without toys or trees or tinsel. With a baby—that’s how Christmas began.

TWO Months!

Well it is exactly two months until our sweet baby boy is due!! I am so excited to become a mother and to see Hubs as a father. But as this time creeps forward, I am very scared for the roller coaster of emotions that our sweet birthmother will be going through. I am scared of how to handle them in a sensitive and loving manner. I am scared of how I should handle taking this baby into my arms and not make our birthmother feel like I am stealing him. I hope that I can adequately show our immensely deep love for her during this process so that she knows that she is making an amazing decision on behalf of her beautiful son. And that we are not taking him and leaving her behind. As I have heard someone say, this is the long, painful "birth" for those that adopt. And I am definitely feeling that at this moment.

My Mom sent me this book and CD this past week and it is so beautiful, I love it!

HOLY COW!!!

Only 10 more weeks until our little guy is here! Just a little over 2 months! Wow I can't believe that it is getting closer, I am so excited!

Please continue to pray for our sweet birthmother, that she may feel comfort with her decision and the deeply difficult emotions that go with it.

Thank you!!

Our Angel "C"

Our Birthmother "C" is truly our Angel. We had a great visit with her this weekend. We went miniature golfing and got ice cream at Baskin Robbins. We were able to just sit and talk with her and ask her about things she likes and what she like to do. And just really get to know her. We felt like we could have talked to her all night. And I didn't really want to leave. And today I was really missing her. Her tummy isn't very big yet but she said that he is moving around. She made a really sweet comment telling us that he wasn't moving around much today and so she told the baby earlier that his mom and dad were coming and to move around a little so that we could see that he was really in there. It melted my heart! We are so excited to have this sweet young lady a part of our lives forever. And are so grateful for the amazing, unselfish gift she is giving us and her baby. We are so excited for this little guy to come, we can hardly stand it!

I kept on forgetting to take pictures so I only got one of C putting.